Rush

Have you ever had a sudden idea?
I just had one...it can also be called a new year resolution.
I want to get money to move to the city, the center of BP. I just need to. Idk about money i will get it. I will sell drugs if i have to. (jk i won't do that!)
With my bf.
We had a little valley but we got up to the hill and i think bc of yesterday and today we are like at the Mount Everest. (8848 m high i only learnes this on a project day)
I just want to save money and move. :))) im so happy and excited. :)

Ps. Photos not mine. My money is ina wine glass yet, i will upload some photos later.:)

F-u-c-k me

Im a fucking idiot and ruining my own life.

Not enough

Why is nothing enough for anyone. My mum, schooly, bf, friends, society. In not good for anything at all.

Dead.

Im going full on crazy. I am a fucking retarded idiot.
I feel shitty.
I want to break up with my boyfriend but i want to stay with him too.
I actually dont know what i want...im too young for true love and i am fucked up...
Id die without him and i am dieing with him. When i am alone (most of my time) i feep empty. I should just fuck off and forget all my shit for a day or...  Idk.

Tired and confused.

Cutting. Crying. Confusing. Heartbreaks. I think i will just run away instead of facing my stuff
...

Sickness.

Oh god... I fucked myself up so much. I was in a party last night with my closest friends and i drank...a lot and when i smoked a cigarette i puked... So i called dad and he came for me, brought me home.
I felt so bad... I felt like i screwed up the whole party.
I was paralised, i could barely talked, i felt so embrassed and helpless.
K. Said that they dont hate me, but... I guess i will have to find new friends.

Today i am dizzy and sick. I feel awful... No more alcohol for a couple weeks.
.

Loser

im not good for my  "friends", for my perfect bf, for school, for my parents, nothing at all... i am a loser, i was and i will be forever. i lose always.